Treadmill Olympics - oh yes we are racing biatch

So today is the only day I dont have bootcamp on which means nothing to make me get out of bed to exercise... HOWEVER I went to bed with the intention of getting up at 530am to go to BodyPump class. I even had my protein drink and fatburning drink made up in the fridge...

GOOD INTENTIONS but you know what happened

I think this was DESTINY~~  Because little did I know that pushing snooze would allow me the oppurtunity to compete in the

TREADMILL OLYMPICS!!!!

WTF is the treadmill olympics you may be thinking??

Well let me fill you in on how I was selected and took out the gold.....

So I got to the gym and decided that I would hit the treadmill at the same time as another chick. This chick was wearing a sweatband across her forehead, had her earphones plugged into her iphone and I think I could hear 'Eye of the tiger playing' (or maybe i just made that up to make this story sound better)

Lets just pretend she looked like this

but with less camel toe....

So when I walked in I obviously missed the huge banner that said TREADMILL GOLD MEDAL AWARDED TODAY...
I must have walked past the trophies that were to be given out too, cause I had no fecking idea that shit was about to get real

So without giving myself too many tickets and sounding up myself lets just say in my youth I was really good at long distance running, yeh I got trophies and a big head but thats how I rolled. So the treadmill and me go way back.. however I also used to weigh 30kg less and didnt have a bung knee... BUT the competitive fires of running were still burning in my heart, awaiting a day to be unleashed .....TREADMILL OLYMPIC DAY

It began with me jumping on the treamdill and putting it on my warm up rate not realising that the Treadmill Olympics had officially started. The girl next to me looked over and saw I was going faster than her and upped her speed... At this stage I didnt think too much of it. Yes it was weird that she kept looking at my screen but hey...

So then I went from warmup pace to lets get some calories burning. I upped my buttons and then she did the same I stopped at 9.8 and she stopped at 10. Then I went up to 10.4 and she went up to 10.6. At this stage I thought SURELY  NOT... she aint competing with me is she?? So I pushed mine up to 11 and she looked over and pushed hers up to 11.2

IT WAS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I upped mine to 11.6 and looked over at her. Our eyes met and through gritted teeth she upped it to 12!!

She was struggling big time and I knew I had to dig deep

I did the unthinkable. I pressed it up to 12.6 and sprinted like some type of wild animal was after me. I was conscious of the fact I wouldnt be able to keep up this speed and that I may be flying off the back of the treadmill into the wall any second now

So I awaited her next move

She was not the type to give up especially when it was the TREADMILL OLYMPICS!!

She looked over at my screen and upped hers to 12.6 and there we were both sprinting on the treadmill.

Now there was no way in hell I was going to be able to go faster and by the way she was breathing I knew she couldnt.. so now it was a sprint to the finish...

And thats when it happened... I heard the beep beep as she started to DECREASE HER SPEED

and I knew I had done it!!

Not only did she decrease her speed she pressed stop and jumped off the treadmill and I swear she said something like "Farking incline is broken on that one..."

I just smiled .. the smile of a champion

I had won the Treadmill Olympics.

and burned 414 cal in 20min......

Dirty Duromine

I want to blog about my Duromine experience. The experience where I turned evil... no seriously the shit that was going on inside my head was like something from the exorcist.

Lets start from the beginning. I was feeling really shit about my weight and googled weight loss products and found a site on duormine... the miracle drug that supresses your appetite and makes you lose weight very very quickly. I was very excited reading the bio about it and thought yep that sounds great for me. A couple of weeks later at my brothers engagement party I was talking to a guy who had lost 50kg in seriously 3 months and guess how DUROMINE.. he soon convinced me that it was a 'great start' to your weight loss journey and he is no longer on it just maintaining. The only catch was you needed a doctors prescription and that might be a little harder to come by

So I looked up my local bulk billing doctor and made an apt with the most asian sounding name I could find.
I got to the doctors and my apt pretty much went like this.

ME: Hi, I am feeling really depressed about my weight and was wondering if you could prescribe me some duromine
DOC: Step on the scales (say in asian voice)
DOC: 80kg, 175cm tall yes you are obese and in weight range for drug
ME: Oh ok
DOC: I put you on 40mg you come back 1 month to see me
ME: Ok

Then the doctor hands me my prescription to go get filled..

Yes seriously that was it. Here you go lady enjoy your drugs

No  blood pressure taken, no risks discussed, no family history questions. Hey lets not even start you on the low dose lets go straight for the money shot...

So I left the doctors rather pleased with myself and got my prescription filled. After paying over 100 dollars I wondered if my bulk billing doc had shares in duromine hence passing them out so easily.

Now this is where things start getting messy.

So in the first few days I took my duromine and I honestly didnt feel hungry at all. I had to remind myself to still eat little meals. I could honestly feel my heart pumping faster when it would normally be at its resting rate. Oh well that can only be a good thing right...?? Surely its ok to be watching tv with your heart racing... this is burning calories baby!!

Now I jumped on the scales on day 3 and had lost 3kg! No exercise involved and I was feeling pretty bloody chuffed about myself. I thought I would add some exercise and really get this weight loss happening..
The duromine disagreed with this exercise shit and seriously I fainted from a body attack session at the gym. I collapsed and awoke surrounded by lycra and camel toe....

Yet I convinced myself that this meant I was just working too hard.... And from now on I would just let the duromine take care of the weight and leave the gym the hell out of the equation.

After a month I had lost 6.5kg and everyone was commenting on how good I looked. I thought I was onto a winner. I didnt have any of the symptoms I had read on the internet about sleeplessness and dry mouth so I thought I was unstoppable. I went back to my doctor and he gave me my script after my weigh in for another month.

This was the month when things went to SHIT very quickly...

I woke up on the 2nd day of my 2nd month on duromine and was like a female version of the hulk... no I had not gained muscles overnight I had gained ANGER!!

I seriously could and would lose my shit over anything.

A day would start like this.

My alarm would go off - this would send me into a rage
Oh great I have to go to work - this would send me into a rage
My 3 year old would smile at me - OH NO YOU DIDNT JUST SMILE AT ME - yes insert rage.

It got so bad that I actually started wanting to break shit and I did. I could not get the batteries out of the remote so I just smashed the remote against the wall. My 3 year old looked at me and said "dont throw things mum thats naughty!" and I lost my shit at him. I seriously dropped my first F bomb at a 3 year old who was giving me the same advice that I give him. As I looked at his horrified face and massive eyes welling with tears I felt like dirty scum but skinny dirty scum.

Who the hell was I? What the hell had I become?? And I just couldnt shake this anger. My husband just had to say something to me and I would bite his head off and start a fight. Things were going to shit but hey I was losing weight.

The day I realised that the duromine had changed who I was and that I didnt want to be this moody, angry, depressed person anymore was the day I ripped my son one for not putting on his shoes fast enough. I went off my head. He said "mum, why are you mad, I just dont know how to get them on the right foot but I love you'. I would like to say at that moment I said I love you too and threw the duromine in the bin but I think I said something like "I dont care just get your fecking shoes on so we can go!!!!!!

Mentally I knew I was acting like a bitch and irrational and I wanted to stop but I couldnt.. well I could  I just had to stop the duromine and so i did!

I was still angry for about a month of quitting it and I put the weight back on so quickly and then a few more kg. I felt worse than ever...

BUT I didnt transform into the Hulk at the drop of a hat, my husband was sososo happy that I was no longer evil and I'm sure my son was glad to get his mum back.

For those of you who want to try duromine DONT. It is not worth it trust me. It is likened to speed and will alter your personality and the side effects are not worth it.

After I finished the duromine I did some more research on forums and found I was not alone. Most users complained of anger, depression, mood swings. I read tales of duromine causing divorce, attempted suicide and even permanent changes in personality.
I have lost over 6 kg in 5 weeks on this 12WBT and I have worked hard for every bloody kg of it! I am in control of this weight loss, not some drug!!

Did the scales explode this morning...

How you doin week 5? You cheeky little bastard of a week. Yes you know what you did. You saw me turn dirty 30, drink dirty rum (the sugar free cola version) go out to a birthday dinner with my hubby then have  a birthday party to finish off the week. If any week was to see the scales have smoke pouring out of them, then I was thinking it was going to be this week BUT
drum roll

I lost 1.2 kg~

Lets look at how this birthday week was different to any other birthday week in my life to see where this 12 WBT has lead me.

I signed up for a 4 week exercise challenge to coincide with starting this 12WBT. This challenge requires me to do bootcamp 5 days a week with a group of awesome girls who come in all shapes, sizes, age and amount of makeup worn when training.

So my birthday fell on the Thursday and I started my day with 6am bootcamp. Seriously what the feck sort of bday starts with training...... Apparently mine did this year.

I am a primary school teacher and went to work that day knowing that the kids were going to pull some sort of suprise party for me. What I didnt expect was the parents to go hardcore making cakes and tarts and buying chips, chocolates, lollies and all the things I would usually inhale in one mouthful.

AND guess what I DIDNT HAVE A SINGLE BLOODY THING

I can never recall a time where i didnt just a have a little bit of this or a huge bit of that.

When I got home from work my husband informed me he was taking me out to dinner to my favourite restaurant.. My favourite because the food is sooooo good but the dessert is even better.

When i got to the restaurant I looked at ordering my favourite. 400gm Eye Fillet Steak with chips and salad not forgetting the mushroom sauce to drown everything in...

 I was just about to order it when i thought Hmm ill get the 200gm eye fillet with veges....

another WHAAAAAAAAA the FECKKKK moment....

I ate my meal and it was bloody delicious and I felt happy and content after I finished. Yes I am no saint and I did pinch 5 of my husbands chips (yes it was 5 I counted....)

Then it came to dessert time. The lady asked if we wanted dessert and I said No...

WHAAAAAAAAAA??? WHO AM I ????????


I felt so proud of myself, then my husband winked at some old guy who walked past us and I thought... ok so lets just hope my hubby isnt ordering a dirty old man to help celebrate my dirty 30.... AND then the lights dimmed and out came a huge cherry ripe flavoured mud cake complete with Happy 30th Jess LOVE Reece on it.....

I usually would have just slammed my face into it and devoured it (dont judge me!!) but I cut myself off a tiny slither and enjoyed!!

I then made sure I worked hard at bootcamp for the rest of the week cause I still had to prepare myself for my birthday party. My mum wanted it to be a classy affair (another new thing for me) and I was rather impressed with the set up when I got there.

Yes I wasnt as controlled at this party as I was at dinner. I tried to go about this party in the best possible way by having my sugar free BARE Bundy cola udls and I only filled my plate with small portions... but then I got a little drunk and started eating the bread and butter pudding straight out of the container until the top layer of delicious bread was gone.....

WHAT happened the following day will now go down in history!!

I didnt have my hangover meal. You know the one where you hit up that greasy takeaway to make you feel better. My bloody husband did

.. and ate it in front of me whilst I ate my baked beans and avocado on toast.....


So as you can see I was expecting my weigh in this morning to be a gain BUT it wasnt.

Insert happy dance.

I seriously am not questioning this weight loss but WTF???

Another weight loss journey blog yipdee-feckn-doo

Let me begin by telling you a tale, one that is full of bad decisions, wrong paths and dirty wolves in drag.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Jess. Jess was not the most beautiful maiden in the land but could pick up on a night out before the ugly lights came on.

When Jess was young she was the comedian of the group, always lots of friends but never the object of too manys lust because she was a chubba.

Years later when looking back at photos Jess asked her mother how she could let her be a fat child and her mother replied but you were so happy and so confident we didnt want to make you self conscious... no lets leave that for all the highschool kids.

This story doesnt end here but Jess did take up cross country running and did lose a shit load of weight and no longer relied on the ugly lights to help her pick up.
Engaged then not engaged this part of the story gets complicated... but this is when the weight piled on. Always an emotional eater and never in control, her weight would go up and then thanks to some fad diet or good old Jenny Craig her weight would come down.

Jess eventually met the love of her life (when she was once again skinny) and enjoyed the life of partying being confident and running amok. However something wonderful happened in her life but not for her belly. Jess got pregnant.

Now this was a glorious time for Jess as she realised she could finally eat what she wanted (and yes that included donuts and sausage rolls for breakfast) because no one could say she looked fat because she was 'pregnant'. The day of her sons birth she stepped on the scales at 101kg!!

It took a while and the motivation of her wedding for Jess to lose this weight once again. But after the wedding things decided to go FAT again.

5 weeks ago she weighed in at 81kg!! Lets not forget she was 61 kgs less than a year at her wedding..

So where did things go so wrong and where is that wolf in drag.

Things went wrong the way they always do. She just started eating what she wanted and a lot of it. No exercise and nothing in moderation and a shitload of wine!!

So  5 weeks ago after being told by her husband that her skin felt stretched (YEH WTF!!) Jess started the 12 WBT. Yes Michelle Bridges to the rescue. Who would have thought that the chick off the biggest loser who is quite annoying to watch on tv (sorry mate) could kick start Jess's weight loss journey AGAIN !! This time its different. This time it is all exercise and eating healthy.

So this is my blog of how I am going to get skinny and stay skinny. I have now been on it for 5 weeks and last weigh in I had lost 5.6kg!!! So I am pretty happy with myself. Lets not pretend it has been an easy journey so far but I think it is finally the right one to take. I am not a masterchef by any means and some of the meals I have cooked from her recipes are shall we say nothing like the picture but they taste bloody good and are low in calories.

So I hope to reach my goal of 61kg!!

Weigh in for week 5 tomorrow.

Will let you know how I go.

And they all lived ................